It had only been two weeks.

Two weeks. Three hundred and thirty six hours. Twenty thousand, one hundred and six minutes. Eough time for a good holiday, enough time to redecorate your house. But enough time to get over the pain of losing the love of your life?

Not even close.

Terry had died two weeks ago, dying with her what seemed like the best chance Starsky had of a ‘normal’ life - you know, a wife, couple of kids and a puppy. I had watched from the sidelines as Starsky’s life went from perfect to desolate in the split second it took Prudholm to fire the bullet that eventually killed Terry.

I was filled with grief as we sat on the floor around the Monopoly board. I had loved Terry too - not like Starsky had loved her, but as a good friend - someone who I knew would bring out the best in my partner and love him for all his weaknesses as well as his strengths.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Starsky was feeling right now. I mean I’ve lost people close to me in the past but it was nothing like this. Not even losing Gillian was like this…

My thoughts shattered as Starsky finally revealed the gift Terry left to him.

‘A thousand ways to win Monopoly,’ he said in a strangled voice, directly followed by a sound that was somewhere between a genuine laugh and a heart-wrenching sob. He shot me a watery smile - but it’s not the smile that I’ve come to love over the years we’ve been partners. My own eyes filled with tears as I realised that it was time for me to open my gift.

As a child I used to quickly glance at the birthday card before discarding it to pull at the shiny wrapped present - that was how I thought back then, but over the years I’ve learned that an object won’t last forever - but the sentiment, the words that accompany a gift mean more than any ‘toy’ ever could. It is this lesson that caused me to lay the envelope addressed to me aside and open the package first.

I could feel Starsky watching me intently as I ripped open the paper to reveal a soft white teddy bear. At first I was briefly confused - but through my confusion I could see that this choice of gift had a deep meaning behind it. It was then that Starsky told me about ‘Ollie’ - that was the bear’s name. He had belonged to Terry and she had always kept him close. Despite my sadness a flicker of amusement flashed across my face as I was hit by the thought that maybe Starsky was my ‘Ollie’.

My attentions quickly focussed on the envelope simply addressed to ‘Hutch’, and I knew that Starsky was desperately waiting to see what Terry had written.

Dearest Hutch, it began. It hit me with full force in that moment just how perfect Terry had been for Starsky. She had accepted me into her life, knowing that there wasn’t a force on Earth that would separate me and Starsky from each other. But it was more than that - Terry hadn’t simply ‘accepted’ me - she’d welcomed me.

‘To you I entrust…’ I continued reading out loud.

My breath hitched in my throat as my eyes finished the line before my lips had time to form the words.

I finished reading the letter out loud and desperately tried to hold back the tears that were pooling in my eyes. I didn’t know how I felt right then - innumerable emotions flitted through my mind as I thought over Terry’s words. Grief, amusement, pain, sadness, love…and fear.

‘It’s a beaut,’ I choked out to Starsky, trying as hard as I could to ease the pain for him even just a fraction. He smiled again and I knew that the tears were going to fall hard that night.

I took a shuddering breath as I tried, for Starsky’s sake, to sort out my thoughts. But I was terrified at the thought I had just had.

Terry had ‘entrusted’ Starsky to me. She had ‘given’ him to me as a gift…which meant that for a moment Starsky had completely belonged to someone else.

I was alone.

The fact that nobody ‘belongs’ to anybody didn’t even register in my mind. I had consumed far too much beer that evening and it was seriously hindering my thought process. And drunkenness mixed with a heavy dose of sudden fear is enough to floor anybody.

I felt the shards of glass embed themselves into my palm before my action of slamming the bottle into the floor even registered in my bewildered mind.

‘Hutch!’ I heard Starsky cry, but it seemed extremely distant. There were shooting pains in my palm, as if someone was stabbing me with a dozen sharp needles - but even that fact didn’t make it to the forefront of my thoughts.

A sudden hand gently tapping my cheek caused my eyes to snap open.

‘Hutch,’ Starsky said and I could suddenly see the concern and panic etched into his face.

Oh God, my mind screamed. Now look what you’ve done! You’ve upset him even more now, you idiot! What kind of friend are you? That’s why Starsky belonged to Terry and not you - all you do is upset him! Maybe he doesn’t need you round anymore.

The thoughts caused my eyes to widen and I felt physically sick. But for Starsky’s sake I tried to control my emotions.

‘Hutch, buddy?’ Starsky asked and I could see the panic increasing as he grabbed my face with both of his hands so that he could look me in the eyes. ‘Are you alright? Please Hutch….talk to me.’

The pleading tone in Starsky’s voice was my undoing. My face crumpled and the next thing I knew I was pulled forward and my head was resting on Starsky’s left shoulder as he circled his arms around my back. I was acting like a kid - that much was obvious, but I couldn’t stop myself.

‘I’m sorry,’ I tried to say through my tears. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Starsky asked trying to pull me back so I could see him again but I just held on tighter.

‘I…I just…’ I trailed off.

‘You just what?’ I heard Starsky whisper as he tried to calm me down.

‘Don’t want to be alone forever,’ I finished with a strangled sob.

At that Starsky pulled suddenly away and I almost toppled over. ‘Alone?’ he asked staring at me.

‘Alone,’ I repeated, dropping my eyes to the carpet. Then the inevitable shame that comes over you after you’ve given into your emotions hit me with all the subtlety of a juggernaut.

‘Alone?’ Starsky asked again, and even though I couldn’t see his face I could feel his eyes boring into the top of my lowered head. ‘What’s gotten in to you?’

‘Terry entrusted you to me, which means you were hers to give,’ I mumbled. ‘And then I had nobody…’

‘Hutch…I don’t understand,’ Starsky replied slowly.

He was going to get mad. I was going to tell him what I was feeling and he was going to mad. How could he not?

‘Starsk,’ I started, then paused to take a deep breath. ‘What’s been taken away from me over the years has hurt me…a lot. I’ve lost a lot of people who’ve been close to me - but I’ve still always had you there to help me pick up the pieces…or in fact pick up the pieces FOR me when I’ve been too out of it to care. I guess tonight I was just thinking about how much we’ve both lost and then when Terry left you to my care I realised that maybe I’d lost you there for a while. I just…’

‘Hutch stop,’ Starsky said quietly raising a hand. ‘I need to explain something to you…but you have to look at me. Come on, look at me.’

I obeyed slowly. I clenched my hand involuntarily and winced as the pain finally registered. Starsky shot me a concerned glance, but I shrugged for him to continue with what he was going to say.

‘Listen to me,’ he said. ‘Terry was a huge part of my life. A part I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing. And I did belong to her in a way - I loved her. I gave her a piece of my heart. I couldn’t give her the whole thing - I can’t give anyone the whole thing. There’s a piece for my parents, a piece for my friends, a piece for my job and the part I gave to Terry. But, there is a huge part that belongs to you…You’re lucky I’ve been drinking else I wouldn’t be saying this right now.’

He let out a quiet chuckle and I couldn’t help but smile.

‘Seriously,’ he said, sobering quickly. ‘You’re my best friend Hutch, you’re my brother. Nicky’s my relative…you are my brother. You are my family. The gap that Terry’s left in my life will never be completely filled, but I’ll be okay cos you’ll help me through it. My heart can heal as long as you’re still here…if it had been you and not Terry who’d….who’d….well you know what I mean….well that’s something I don’t think would ever heal, no matter how many people were round to help me pick up the pieces. Even Terry couldn’t have gotten me through that.’

I finally looked at him and he reached out to squeeze my shoulder. ‘You’ll never be alone Hutch. Even when you’re living in that big house with a gorgeous blonde and three little Hutchinson’s you ain’t ever gonna get rid of me. I promise Hutch.’

I was silent for a few moments as I let Starsky’s words sink in. He wasn’t one to get all soapy on a regular basis - he didn’t have to, I knew how he felt without the need for words. ‘Best friends don’t need to promise,’ I whispered eventually.

Starsky smiled at me as I recounted Terry’s words. A proper smile this time. ‘No,’ he replied ‘but sometimes it helps to say it. Now,’ he said as he stood up and reached down to help me to my feet, ‘we have to sort that hand of yours out. Terry must be regretting her decision to leave me and Ollie to you. The injuries sustained from your little temper tantrum are gonna seriously affect your ability to wait on me hand and foot.’

I marvelled once again at how strong my friend can be. Here tonight he ended up not only dealing with the loss of Terry, but with an impromptu panic attack from me. I offered up a quick prayer of thanks to the powers that be for blessing me with a best friend like Starsky.

‘Thanks,’ I nodded to him before pulling him into a hug. ‘I’m sorry about before.’

‘Forget about it will ya?’ Starsky asked with a grin as we pulled apart. ‘I know what you were up to anyway.’

‘What?’ I asked in confusion as he sauntered off to get the first-aid kit from the bathroom.

‘I know why you flipped out the way you did,’ he said reappearing and standing in the doorway. ‘But I haven’t forgotten.’

‘Forgotten what?’ I asked as my eyebrows knitted in confusion as I followed his pointed stare toe the Monopoly board.

‘You still owe me seventy dollars.’